1) Wear tight clothes. A loose shirt, jacket or scarf can be used
to hold you back and slow you down.
2) If you are meek and timid, consider staying at home. BFer's can
smell fear.
3) Unless you are immune to pneumonia, wear clothes in layers. It
may seem like a good thing to dress really warm when you're standing
outside in sub -freezing weather, but once the doors open, you'll be
sweating profusely before you can reach the rear of the store.
4) If you want to socialize with the other people in line, don't
get too personal. Just remember that in minutes, those same people
would just as soon trip you and step on your neck than allow you to
have the very last set of Dora the Explorer bed sheets.
5) Don't share your breakfast food with others in line. It will
only give them more energy to use against you once in the store. If
you must share, make it leftover turkey. The tryptophan it contains
will cause sleepiness, making them slow to react.
6) Shop with a friend. That way one of you can run blocker just
like in Smokey and the Bandit.
7) Never pick up a sale item and look at the box to decide whether
you want it or not. Toss it in the cart! You'll have plenty of time
to read, research and decide while standing in line at the checkout.
Besides, you can always return it later. Seize the opportunity.
Timing is crucial!
8) Unless you absolutely need one, don't take a shopping cart into
the store. It will only slow you down.
9) There will be both parents and children out shopping on BF.
During your adventure, youll hear crying, weeping and whining. "I
have to have that!" "Give it back!" "I had it first!" And then
there's the children...
10) Before the big day, as you are staking out the stores and
making some advanced purchases, save the security tags. There is
always one lady on BF who brags about how she has to buy 36 of the
one item you went there for to give to all of her nieces and nephews.
Covertly place one or more of these tags on her as the crowds head
into the store. the barrage of security when she sets off the alarm
at the entrance will slow her and allow you to get to the item first
before she takes them all.
11) Carry a bat. Preferably aluminum, since it is lighter. There
are always lurkers who sit in their nice warm cars while everyone
else is freezing in line. They will try to blend into the crowd when
the doors open. The mere presence of such a device will deter them.
The bat is also handy to get stock from high shelves, and to lean on
while waiting in line at the checkout.
12) Agility can make up for a poor spot in line.
13) Bringing along your spouse and kids will only slow you down.
14) Riot gear, while heavy, bulky and a fashion no-no for most
people can be handy if you plan to patronize the likes of Circuit
City, Best Buy or Toys 'R' Us on Black Friday.
15) If you're a man, consider wearing a cup. The advantage can far
outweigh the disadvantage.
16) Seeing-eye and assistant pets still can't resist bacon.
17) Sending up a distress flare at just the right moment can allow
you to gain position in line.
18) Be sure not to wear clothes you don't want snagged or ripped.
19) Defense! Defense! Defense!
20) Above all, enjoy yourself. Its just like fishing. Its not what
you are able to catch. Its the thrill of the chase!
